30+ Bizarre Names We Couldn’t Read With A Straight Face

We are used to celebrities giving their children unusual names. They are either aesthetic and posh, or extremely blunt, simple, and somewhat absurd. This always brings us back to talking about Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter, Apple. We have nothing against apples; we love them. Yet, we would never name our daughter that! The same goes for Grimes and Elon Musk. If you are online and use social media, you definitely heard of X Æ A-12. Although you may not know how to read it, you know where it comes from. And supposedly, it’s read like: Ash. What?!

Inspired by this phenomenon, we will present 30+ of the funniest, most unfortunate names we found online. If you are interested, keep on scrolling!

Parents Knew What They Were Doing

We always wondered how the kids of robbers and thieves turn out. After seeing this picture, we feel like we have a good answer. We’ve found this phenomenal picture online and couldn’t resist showing you. These parents definitely knew what they were doing.

It turns out that this man is a British DJ, and the name he chose for himself isn’t real. We were super disappointed when we learned that. Nonetheless, this man became a meme in 2021 and has remained iconic ever since.

He Was Done So Dirty

We hope that his parents weren’t this cruel to him and didn’t actually choose this name. It is a known fact that you can put whatever name you want on Facebook. But then again, why would anyone use this name, out of every possibility?

Fagley Dork inconveniently sounds like fugly dork. Oh, dear Fagley, what have they done to you? Upon further analysis, we realized this man’s profile picture looks too serious and formal for him to be messing around with a fake name. We hope your future is bright, Mr. Dork…

Asthma is No Joke

Please take into account that we are not joking about asthma or any type of respiratory disease while talking about this. However, this doctor’s [un]fortunate name was too good to omit from our list. As you will see, this doctor has the funniest name ever.

Dr. Asma Butt is a doctor we would want to visit, simply to talk about his unconventional name. Our only recommendation would be a slight change in profession, from a pediatrician to a colon surgeon. Sorry, we had to say it. Let’s move on.

She Knows How To Party

College is the time for you to have fun and work towards a good and stable future. It is a time to discover yourself and learn what you want to do with the rest of your life. There is an old saying: your name shapes your destiny. This chick sure knows hers.

Vanessa Tobaccojuice sounds like an amazing party alter ego! We were so flabbergasted by her name that we decided to do a bit of research. It turns out that this last name is probably an indigenous surname. We bet that some modern names would sound weird to our ancestors.

Nomen Est Omen

Your name shapes your destiny — that is the translation of that Latin tittle. In the case of David Balding, there was some truth to the old addage. He couldn’t escape what was running his way: old age and a bald head. Take a look:

To make matters worse (or better?) he is a DNA statistician. Is it because he wanted to change his destiny, and try to prevent the balding he saw in his father and grandfather?! What do you think? Let’s speculate; it’s so much fun!

We Have a Winner!

If this picture doesn’t make you, at least, chuckle, you are not from this planet! We couldn’t hold our laughter in once we encountered this phenomenal, unfortunate, yet entertaining name! You must take a look. Oh, and make sure to note his profession…

Not only is his name super suggestive, but his profession ties in perfectly. His smile looks really sly, as if he knows what he did, and is enjoying it a lot. He seems fun to be around, and we can bet he always makes jokes about his name. What an icon.

Goodness Gracious

When they do you dirty, you have two options: anger or humor. There is no way around it. Someone’s sister-in-law was getting her driver’s license, and she implied she doesn’t have a middle name, and maybe she used a word: none. Now, look what happened:

Imagine someone’s middle name actually being None. How would you even pronounce it: Noh-ney? Nonetheless, the idiocracy, the ignorance; we can’t compute it. We hope she had a good laugh and didn’t get too irritated. It could have turned out worse, right?

What a Beautiful Name

Crystal is a beautiful name. It is a bit old-fashioned, however, still gorgeous. When someone’s name is Crystal, we can’t help but imagine a tall, blond, woman wearing a little black dress. In our mind, she’s the life of the party. Oh, how wrong we were.

Everyone, say hello to Crystal Metheny! Hello Crystal Metheny! We couldn’t resist but put her on this list. We are not making fun of substance abuse, nor this woman’s appearance, it’s just that we were not expecting to see a mugshot along with the surname.

Convert JPG to PDF

Someone at school was so lazy; it hurts us. We can’t even imagine how much it hurt Demetrie.jpg though. His name is beautiful, although we are not sure what that dot jpg thing is doing there. We hope it’s not a part of his name. We wouldn’t want to offend anyone.

He is a member of a school orchestra, probably a stellar student, nice, kind and respectful. Yet, someone didn’t pay enough attention to tackle this issue. They probably wanted to prevent making a spelling mistake when writing his name, so they forgot to delete the .jpg. Nonsense!

KVIIILYN

Remember Elon Musk and Gwyneth Paltrow’s children? Well, say hello to Kviiilyn. Are you wondering how to pronounce it? It is super easy, simply replace viii with 8 (ait) and there you have it! Isn’t that so witty and interesting?!

Hopefully, you sensed our sarcasm. We hate everything about this! We understand parents want their children to be unique and authentic, better than anyone, more special, etc. But making this child different from other Kaitlyns, won’t do her well in the future.

Rip Torn

A lot of actors themselves have funny and funky names, as in the case of Rip Torn. Rip Torn was an amazing actor, yet his name is something that sparked interest and giggles in many. Apparently, that’s not even his given name!

What a disappointment we felt when we realized this piece of information. His full name was actually Elmore Rual “Rip” Torn Jr. Rip was just a nickname. How unfair. We preferred Rip Torn so much more. It gave him an authentic spice.

He is a What?!

This one had to find its place on our legendary list. Well, it goes without saying that his name is interesting — for a lack of better words. We don’t want to offend anyone, but the combination of name and surname here is so random.

First of all, Tokyo is an iconic name, and an even more iconic city! We love it! If you watched Money Heist on Netflix, you might adore it even more! But that last name, man, we don’t know what to make of it. It’s pronounced: Sech-wal-eh, for anyone wondering…

Her Life is a Roller Coaster

This surname is so meme-worthy, we can’t wait to have a field trip with it. Someone snapped a picture of this woman on the news, and her name impressed the crowds. She is Joelle Rollo-Koster! She is smart, funny, and beautiful.

Her life is a rollercoaster, though. She tries to put on a brave face and keep her chin up, but she does have her ups and downs. You know, like a rollercoaster. According to URI students, she is a good professor to have, and they like her a lot. What a character!

Don’t Do That to Him

Remember that doctor, the urologist, Robert Chopp? Well, now, prep yourself for an even worse name — and surname, to boot. We almost feel pain sharing this with the world. This is the parent’s fault, we are certain of it!

At this point, why doesn’t he go by his full name: Richard? We are confused. But we assume that you either find comfort in it or let it consume you completely. We wonder why he hadn’t changed his name when he could. We’d do it!

Unfortunate, Level 9000

We don’t know what is better, his name or his photo and facial expression. When we tell you his name, you must promise us not to get inappropriate and try to stay composed. We don’t know how we managed it. Look at this:

First, pose for the photo, and make sure to look confused. Harold A Ballitch II — what even is that name? We assume “A” is his middle initial. Knowing that he is the second in his family tree, makes this even funnier somehow. His facial expression doesn’t help even a bit. Hilarious!

We LOVE Pickles!

We have certain foods that we can say we really love. Pizza, burgers, fries, and pickles — there are too many to choose from! Pickles are amazing. They are juicy, sour, and refreshing. What is there not to love? Then, we found this man online, and we were over the moon.

The fact that dill pickles are a thing, and people make it and consume it frequently, makes this so much better. This man claims this is his real name. Should we believe him? We aren’t opposed to the idea of his parents loving dill pickles, and naming their child Dyl Pickle.

Poor Choice of Color Coding

Elections are a big deal in democratic countries. Everyone is urged to vote, and it is everyone’s civil right to do so. Advertising is a big part of the election process. We have an amazing example on how not to promote yourself for re-elections…

Judy Graham Swallows could’ve easily been in one color. Do we all agree on that? We do? Great! Now, why they choose to make the last part it red is beyond us. Maybe it’s that anti-advertisement type of attention grab. We will remember it, that’s for sure.

Another Crystal

We all remember Crystal Methany dearly. It is a picture close to our hearts, and we will keep her there for a long, long time. This is now saturated even more because we found another, very similar example. We want to share it with you…

Say hello to Crystal Methven! We did our research, and it seems like Methven is a common last name of people of Scottish origin, living in the USA. Actually, Methven is a city in Scotland. What this lady did is unforgivable. She really does wear her name and deserves it.

Wild Vampire Caught

There was an article in the newspaper of a woman charged after biting her relative. The news itself is strange and out of the left field. But, you know, weird things happen. What is more interesting is that woman’s name…

If you take your time to read the article, it is said that she bit her relative, and a police officer as well. She even used her nails to scratch them, too! Is this girl a vampire? We have one more question: was it a neck bite? Asking for science purposes, of course.

Jean-Claude Van Damme, WHO?!

If you were a fan of action movies as a kid, you definitely know Jean-Claude Van Damme. He is an iconic actor that played amazing roles. What we remember most is his splits on two separate chairs. You had to see it to understand it!

When we found this picture, we couldn’t believe our eyes. Jonathan Van-Tam is an English deputy chief medical officer. We hope his middle name is Claude, or something similar. We would love that. Likewise, we bet Jean-Claude Van Damme would like it, too!

We Can’t Get Away With This One

So, this picture is tricky to describe because we want to avoid being vulgar or inappropriate. We are a cultured crew here, okay? Nonetheless, this picture was something we could not avoid, considering the multiple meanings and readings. We just had to include it on our list.

We will refrain from giving you any ideas on how to read his name and surname. We have a couple of our own, but, they are just too much. All we want is to contact his parents and ask them what they were thinking! Poor man; the jokes he must’ve endured…

Tale as Old as Time

If you think that people are getting hilarious and unconventional names only in these crazy postmodern times, you are mistaken! This is a tale as old as time. Even the people during the renaissance period had names worthy of comedy.

Even though his name sounds funny in English, in German it doesn’t. Supposedly, he was a member of a very wealthy family, and a creator of a housing initiative that is still going on. People are living there and have full health protection, too. Wow!

That Christian Guy

You know when you’re talking about some boy or man, you refer to him as that ______ guy? For example: that tech guy, or that rapper guy. It’s something we all do. If it’s a girl, it’s usually a that ______ chick, or something similar. This guy made it his whole personality.

It turns out, Guy is a French surname, pronounced as: guh-ee. However, we love to think he is just a Christian guy. He loves God, goes to Church, and is devoted to his religion. He is that Christian guy, ya know? It’s kind of perfect!

Childhood Ruined

If you were a kid in the 90s, you must’ve watched and loved the popular American TV show and sitcom Friends. Everyone knows what it is — Gen Z and Boomers alike. Millennials love it, the others tolerate it. Let’s talk about the director’s name, though.

If you don’t see anything wrong with his name, or surname, we are sad to say: you must be too young. We can’t explain it too much, but, focus on the last name more. Do some Urban Dictionary research, and you’ll realize quickly enough.

Big Brain Energy

Something we realized is there is no greater power than being an expert in your field, and having a legendary name to follow. We mentioned our fair share of doctors and professors so far; now get ready for this neuroscientist’s name.

Having this kind of name and title means guaranteed success in life! There is no other option. If you are a lord, and your last name is brain, please, make sure to be a neuroscientist or a super villain from Marvel and DC Comics. Thank you!

Tell Us You Didn’t Plan For Your Baby Without Telling Us

This was something that is a staple of internet culture and memes for years. It endured the test of time and is still relevant. That’s why we are happy to show you this iconic name today. The girl must know what it means, but she doesn’t care.

Imagine naming your daughter Spontainiouse. It sounds French and nice, but the meaning… We wouldn’t want to imply anything, but it sounds like spontaneous. A lot! Whether that is the case, or not, it’s not up to us to decide. We can just giggle and observe.

Mr. Butt

Oof, this teacher must have a very difficult time at school. Not only was he, surely, bullied while he was a student, but now, his students bully him as well. Maybe not to his face, but they definitely laugh behind his back…

He just wants to teach art in peace, but we assume his students and even colleagues are having a field day with his last name. It would be perfect if he learned to joke about it as well. It could be worse, though. Just read this article, Mr. Butt.

Flashback to 2020

We all remember that sinister March in 2020, when the whole world thought there is no exit. We were all worried, scared, and desperate. Some people even lost their family members, friends, and partners. It was scary. Then, there is this poor girl.

People sometimes refer to the pandemic as “rona” online because social media started banning the name of the virus, and people find their ways around it. Now, everyone is swearing and talking about that dang Rona. This girl had a beautiful name, and now, it’s a synonym for a deadly virus. Sick!

Poor Advertising

Why is it always a politician or a public figure that does this? Is it something their employees do for revenge, or…? It seems to be. Look at this clothing/bag badge. It is so good, we cried real tears. Oh, Harry, Harry. Choose your team wisely.

“I am proud of my Harry Baals.” You take out of it whatever you want. We will just let you know that you should read it like this: “I am proud of my mayor of Fort Wayne Indiana. 1934-1947, 1951-1954 Harry Baals.” Okay, there you have it.

That’s The Weirdest One Yet

We can’t decide whether this is a hoax or a real name. Nonetheless, it’s on our list. Although it’s towards the end, it’s not one to take lightly and forget about. If we lost your focus, trying to read this name will bring it right back.

“What was your name again, sir?” “Oh, it’s Beezow Doo Doo Zopittybop Bop Bop. It was my grandad’s actually, ya know, like family heritage.” Yeah. That’s how we imagine this conversation going. If he wasn’t a criminal, he could be an actor. He has the looks and the name.

He is a Correspondent, Couldn’t You Tell?!

Matthew Correspondend, a Europe correspondent for BBC News, became a meme as soon as this news report appeared on TV. Truth be told, it was later revealed that this was a mistake by the team, but we still wanted to share.

Imagine the type of clowning he had to go through with his friends and family after this aired. They will probably never let this tiny mistake go. To them, from that point forward, he is Matthew Correspondent. Poor guy, he could use a raise!

She Will Sue Yoo!

This one we love so much! It’s not risky in terms of language, but it’s actually really smart and interesting. This woman became a lawyer, now, that’s quite standard. What’s interesting about it is her name. She is Sue H. Yoo!

Everyone agrees that this is a perfect name for a lawyer because she can say her name or what she’s doing in just one sentence. “I am Sue Yoo. As in, my name is Sue Yoo, and I am suing you!” So clever. We bet her parents gave her that name to manifest her future. Good on you, Sue Yoo!

Yes!

The biggest question of them all: Can Richard funk? Well, judging by his look and appearance, we would say: oh yes, yes he can! Look at that man! You can replace funk with anything you want, it’s your choice, so choose wisely.

He does look funky, doesn’t he?! He is Richard Funk, from Canada, he is a swimmer, a man so many ladies fell head over heels for. We understand their leap, he does look like a stud. We hope his personality is as funky as his name.